Friday, March 21, 2014

Where’s my McFlurry, dammit?!

Woman allegedly set car on fire after man refused to buy her a McFlurry


Witnesses said a woman set a man's car on fire in Jacksonville after he refused to buy her a McFlurry at McDonald's.

Fucking Florida…

There is a rule that goes something like “Only date a woman who’s a little crazier than you can handle…”

I should start writing these down.


Thursday, March 20, 2014

Who do I have to blow to get medico to peek in my ear?

There has been some pressure in there, off and on, for a month+. The ringing (Tinnitus?) is starting to be a problem. I don’t want to go to the Doc-in-a Box walk in clinic and spend who knows how long in the waiting room, so I called the local clinic conglomerate to make an appointment. Wading through the options I finally get a live person on the line.

Me: I’d like to schedule and appt.

Voice: Do you have a primary care physician?

Me: No, I just need to see someone about an possible ear infection.

Voice: I’ll transfer you to dsjfhdifasdfidfi (garbled), they have a list of doctors currently accepting new patients.

Me: Wait, I’m not looking for a new…

She transferred me. Bitch.

Robo-Operator: Thank you for calling blah blah blah if this is an emergency hang up and dial 911 blah blah.

Me: Grumblefrakinshit

Robo-Operator: Press 1 for something or other. Press 2 for infernal medicine something else. Press 3 for who-the-fuck-cares….

Me: Grumblefuckpainintheassgrumble:

Robo-Operator: …Press 39 for…

Me: Goddamit!

And I hung up. Red took pity and called for me. In 3 minutes I had an appointment for tomorrow morning.

So pissed off right now…


Saturday, February 22, 2014

It’s Saturday!

I haven’t posted some eye candy in ages, so in honor of my favorite day of the week:

Feb 4 (2)

Feb 7 (2)

Sunday, February 09, 2014

It Works.

Last week the boys and I have were dragging ass in the morning, the result of which is I was late to work too often.

I had to resort to an old parenting technique handed down from one generation to the next: I bribed ‘em with breakfast at McDonalds.

Not only was I on time to work, I even got a primo parking spot.

Friday, February 07, 2014

State of the Union, anyone?


Did any of you watch our Presidente give his little speech?

Me neither. Dude’s credibility balance is so deep in the negative numbers if he told me Christie Brinkley was the hottest woman to ever walk the earth I would request she submit to an immediate dong check.


Ugh, Where the hell is the kleenex?

The creeping crud caught up with me this week. Snot flowed in gentle green waves from my nose and down the back of my throat. Usually I push through, sit at my desk blowing my nose and hacking. Not this time. A hearty “Fukkit” was wheezed and I stayed my ass home for two days.

Even though my voice sounds like I gargled with crushed glass, I’m feeling pretty good today.


Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Good Guy Brother -

The kid young man shows his mettle at the 01:45 mark…

Josh Elliott: Do you wish people would mess with you instead of Amber?

Bro (Without missing a beat): Yes.

Sis (Surprised?): You don’t have to do that.

Bro: Yes I do.


Keep up the good work, Ryan.


Monday, December 16, 2013