Friday, February 27, 2015

Warning:

The next person who says “Crar-Cray” around me may end up with my coffee mug crammed in his ass.

~Hoozyrdady

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Public Service Announcement

I crossed paths with a coworker last week while trekking out to lunch. Its colder than hell out so she’s all bundled up… hell we’re both layered deep… anyway this lady is coming at me and I get the impression there’s more of her than the last time I saw her. Um… when WAS the last time I saw her…?

I don’t get away from my cubicle often, much less visit her floor, but we interact often over the phone and email. If she were With Child, I’d have heard something right?

I considered asking, or commenting, but only for .0587 seconds because fukkit I ain’t going near that potential can of worms.

Moral of the story:

must-see-imagery-pregnant-questions

~Hoozyrdady

Friday, February 20, 2015

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Can’t Fucking Do It.

TrySayin

I’m not an angry, hater type of fellow by default, but I’m heavy into the left column. “Shit” and F-Bombs just carry more punch.

Limiting myself to the sensitive column may blow the top of my head off.

~Hoozyrdady.

Thursday, February 05, 2015

A Funny

A black man shows up at the hospital for his scheduled vasectomy, wearing a tuxedo.

When asked why he dressed up, the guy replied “If Ah’s gonna be impo’tent, ah’s gonna look impo’tent.”

Heh, I think I first heard that one in High School… maybe from my Dad…

~Hoozyrdady.

Friday, January 30, 2015

Tell me more…

Jalapeno

Don’t lie, you smiled.

~Hoozyrdady

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

What the hell…

Before I left the house this morning I caught a whiff of pee. Red has a better sniffer than I and couldn’t smell anything, but that didn’t keep me from walking around looking for the wet spot… damn dogs. I didn’t find anything, and trusting my wife’s superior nose I went off to work.

Later on, sitting at my desk I scratch my nose with my left hand and damn, it smells like rubber. Not just a hint, but a solid, strong aroma. I know what you assholes are thinking, but you’d be wrong ‘cause I’m a Rightie thank-you-very-much. But what the hell did I touch?

I couldn’t take it anymore and went to wash my hands, and the hallway outside my office smells like someone had a bad case of the toots from one end to the other. Somebody needs to lay off the boiled cabbage, oof!

Right about then I recall reading that picking up weird smells could be sign of an inbound stroke or some shit.

My hands smell like soap and a coworker just commented on the eau de shite, I think I’m going to be ok.

~Hoozyrdady